Faithlessness

I am currently in the midst of the Life Journal and it has me reading through 1 Samuel, 1 Chronicles, and Matthew with the occasional Psalm sprinkled in. As I have been reading through the Bible one thing jumps out to me very regularly: God provides.

I often struggle to trust God fully and completely. This is frustrating, because there are so many times in my life that I reflect on, and clearly see God moving, by providing courage, strength, patients and guidance to grow me and lead me through the murky waters. As my junior year comes to a close and my senior year draws nearer and nearer, I am faced with the realization that sooner rather than later, I will have to become a real functioning member of society. This is scary because for the past 21 years, my life had been rather cyclical. Sure there were times of change, I would have to go from Elementary school, to Middle School, to High School, to College, but my future was rather certain: I would be in school the following year. Very little decision-making required and the one time I had to make a decision, where to attend college, I ended up transferring the following semester back to my comfort zone. But now there is no comfort zone, no familiarity, no set plan. I perceive that I am essentially at the mercy of the world. And that is where trust in God comes in. I am not at the “mercy of the world”. I am at the mercy of God. I would say my apprehension at the future, can be summed up in two fears: first, where will money come from? I have debt, I hope to have a wife and kids at some point, I want to do missions, I want to support missions, I want to adopt! All of these things cost money. But I need to take on more debt still if I plan to go to Seminary, and Youth Pastors don't exactly make the front cover of Forbes.

Cliché I know, but Jeremiah 29:11 is often quoted at times like these. Heck for High School graduation I got a key chain that had the verse stamped on the back. But I find Matthew 6:25-34 more settling. In it Jesus is essentially discussing how we need to trust in God to provide. And what’s even better is that it follows Matthew 6:19-24:

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

   ²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

   ²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. (NIV)

And precedes Matthew 7:7-12:

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

   ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  (NIV)

Jesus is saying 1) Keep your heart on the Kingdom, 2) Don’t worry about stuff, I’ll make sure you have what you need and 3) Ask, I want to bless you so that you can bless others. If we keep the kingdom foremost in our hearts, then the rest of the stuff is insignificant compared to it. But that is easier said than done. I still struggle and I still fret over it. Which leads me to my second fear: I will mess up God’s will and completely miss what he wants me to do.

How prideful is that? I know it doesn’t seem it on the surface, but the fact that I believe that I could mess up God’s plan is giving me a lot more credit than I deserve. It seems to be the natural reaction to being called though: Abraham thought he was too old, Moses thought he couldn’t speak well enough, the Hebrews didn’t believe they could defeat the people living in the promise land, Saul believed he was unable to be king because he was the weakest of the weakest family in the weakest clan, the Bible is littered with people believing that they might “mess up God’s plan”. But they don’t.

1 Chronicles is a very painful book to get through, and I often wonder why in the world God wanted it in the Bible, until I come across sections that really strike me. 1 Chronicles 5:22 comes at the end of a list the relatives of the Gadites.

“and many others fell slain, because the battle was God’s…” (NIV)

I missed it the first time through 1 Chronicles but God pointed this one out to me this time. There was nothing about “the Israelites fought bravely and won” or even “the Israelites tried their hardest”. It was God’s battle and he won. I don’t know where the saying “God helps those who help themselves” came from but I can’t get on board with that. Matthew 7 doesn’t say, “Try really hard and then when you’ve done all you can go ahead and pray for God’s help”, The things that we need to do are rather simple: knock, seek, and ask. It’s not a hard concept yet why do I struggle so much with it?

I am reminded of the story of Gideon in Judges 6. Gideon is called by God to lead Israel out of the oppressive rule of the Midianites. An Angel of the Lord appears to him and explains what he wants Gideon to do. Gideon questions him then and asks for proof. God gives him the proof and Gideon continues on until it is time for the actual battle. Again Gideon asks for proof, which God again delivers but it’s not enough. He asks a third time for proof from God and once again God delivers. Finally, Gideon is ready to go to war, but God makes him get rid of almost his entire army. I imagine Gideon was thinking, “hang on, I’m not even sure I can do this with the Army you gave me, now you’re taking all but 300 of my men away and you expect me to go through with this?”

But God does. He uses our ineptitude, our weaknesses and our screw-ups because that’s the only way that God’s power will be fully realized. It’s only when we have to rely on God that his glory will be spread. Gideon’s small army defeats the Midianites, Moses is able to successfully communicate to the Hebrew people, Abraham is able to conceive and Saul becomes the first king of Israel. God is not interested in using the powerful and proud, he wants the weak and the humble, the ones who will give all the glory to God because they know there is no way they could have possibly pulled this off on their own. In Matthew 19 a rich man comes to Jesus and asks Jesus what he needs to do to get eternal life; and Jesus tells him to sell all of his possessions and follow him. David Platt discusses this passage in his book Radical and points out that the common reaction today would have been to make him pray a prayer and have him Baptized so that he could start using all of his wealth and power for God’s kingdom. But God doesn’t need our wealth and power he needs those who want his wealth and power. 1 Samuel 16:7 says:

 ⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  (NIV)

As I struggle with my faith, I am also reminded of a verse in Mark 6:5-6. Jesus is in Nazareth and has just been rejected by his own countrymen. It says:

“He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them and he was amazed at their lack of faith” (NIV)

I wonder how often we limit God with our lack of faith. How often we don’t heed the call of the Holy Spirit because it seems like the task would be hard, or uncomfortable, or we can’t possibly succeed. How often do we miss out on the chance to see God move, because we rest too much on our own talents, abilities and power. I continue to pray that God will remind me of his faithfulness and that I will heed the Holy Spirits call. I don't know what will be next, but what I do know is God is already there, and as scary as the future is, I'm excited to see what God has in store.

Until next time, God bless.