Praises from the Furnace: Faith in the Midst of Pain and Suffering

It's been a little over a month since my first born son entered and then left this world. My wife had been pregnant for twenty-two weeks when we received a call that one of the tests had come back positive and we made the long drive to Danville to discover that there were multiple issues with the baby boy growing inside her. The doctors told us that it was very unlikely that our son would survive the remainder of the pregnancy, and that even if he did survive the pregnancy, it was almost impossible that he would survive the birth and, if by some grace of God, he managed to be delivered alive, he wouldn't survive longer than a few hours. The prognosis was accurate, Josiah Emmanuel managed to survive until Hannah, my wife, and I could meet him. Both of us got to hold him in our arms before he left us. My first born child. My son.

Today we had a memorial for him. As part of the memorial service I got to share a little bit of what I felt like God was doing in my heart. I know that I haven't blogged in a while but I felt like I should share it with you all.

When Josiah died, I was angry. I had prayed and begged God to heal my son, but from the beginning both Hannah and I heard God say that he wouldn’t heal him. But I kept praying for it and I kept hoping that we were misunderstanding God but we weren’t and we knew we weren’t. But all that warning God gave us didn’t really take the sting out of losing Josiah. And so I was angry with God that he wouldn’t give me my fifty or sixty years with my son, and instead I had to fit those years into ninety-five minutes. So in the rawness of those emotions I was feeling, I was angry. But as those emotions callused over and the rational part of my brain regained control, I remembered that God was not a giant child with a magnifying glass just burning ants for fun. That I could trust him that this pain that he was giving me was for “the good of those who love him” and not because God was just some mean spirited deity that wanted to mess with weaker creatures. I could trust him because he allows himself to feel pain and suffering. In the book Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering, Tim Keller writes,

“… God is sovereign and uses suffering as part of his inscrutable purpose. Yes, He is Lord of history, but he is also the vulnerable one who entered that history and became subject to its darkest forces. Yes, God often seems to be absent, but Jesus himself experienced the searing pain of that absence when he cried, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ Yes, God is king, but is a king who came to earth and went not to a throne but to a cross. Yes, God is glorious but there is no greater glory than this – that he laid his glory and power aside and became weak and mortal.” 

 As Tim Keller said, God chooses to suffer. We have no control over our suffering, but God does, and he chose to suffer and to what end? Ours. Again Keller writes, 

“We all know heart involvement leads to suffering. The more you love someone, the more that person’s grief and pain becomes yours. And so even in the first chapter of Genesis, we see God is suffering because of our suffering, because of the misery of the world. Here, we have no abstract deity, no ‘divine principle,’ no ‘rational structure behind the universe.’ This is a transcendent but personal God who loves us so much that his heart is filled with pain over us.” 

You see, God allows himself to suffer for our benefit. Because of his suffering he chooses to send his Son to us.

Matt Chandler points to this in a sermon (you can hear the sermon here) he delivered the sermon shortly after getting a phone call about a little girl who the doctors had basically stopped treating her cancer because there was nothing left for them to do and he’s just torn up inside over it. He’s angry, he’s sad and he’s trying to work through it all and preach a sermon and he says, 

“Now follow me here because there are some things looking at the life of Christ that don’t add up. Like, if you look at His life He lived really hard, man. I mean, He lived really hard. I mean, He’s betrayed, He’s hated. He feels alone at times. He lives this very difficult life. And then it’s consummated in this brutal death. And it doesn’t add up because He could’ve been born into the manger, lived an easy life, died on the cross and it’s done. And it’s done. So why? Why does He have to be betrayed? Why does He have to taste loss? Why does He have to feel hate? Why does He have to walk in that? Why does He have to be tempted? Hebrews 2 says that He endured those things so that when my telephone rang on Friday, and what was going so well started to go so bad, that He could say, “I know, I know.” And as my heart grew frustrated He could go, “I know.” And as I’m lost and wonder about where He is and what He’s doing here, He’s not going, “Oh, come on Chandler, haven’t I shown you enough? Haven’t I done enough for you to trust me on this one?” No, He just sits there and goes, “I know, I know, I know. I know this stings and I know it doesn’t make any sense. I know and I remember. I lost. I lost, ok?”

               So as I stood in the hospital, looking at my wife who had just come through major surgery and I held my dead son in my arms and tears rolled down my cheeks I remembered that God had watched his son die. I remembered that Jesus lived a hard life and that he wasn’t giving out pain lightly because he knows pain more perfectly than this fallen body I walk around in could ever imagine. And I remembered that I had hope. That even when we put Josiah’s remains in the earth yesterday, that it wasn’t Good bye and those fifty or sixty years that I was angry about missing, would pale in comparison to the eternity that I would get with him. And while it doesn’t quite completely cover the pain my wife and I are feeling right now, it does give us hope, and Romans 5 reminds us that "hope does not lead us to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us."

Where Does Your Hope Rest?

I grew up in State College, I have lived here 22 years this past September. I attended and graduated from State College Area High School as did my Mom, and as did both her parents. I am fairly certain but not positive that my Grandma’s mother (my Great-Grandma, my Mom’s Grandma) also grew up in State College. My Grandpa attended Penn State, as did my Mom. Additionally my Grandma on my Father’s side attended Penn State and so did my Father. I have had cousins, sisters, Grandparents and parents grow up in this town, and attend college in this town. Obviously, I currently attend Penn State and so does my Sister. Needless to say, I have strong roots that go down in this area. This is my home.

Growing up here, it was always viewed as the best place to raise children. We continuously have one of the lowest violent crime rates per capita according to the FBI Uniform Crime Report and have very seldom felt the effects of the “outer world”. I lived in a small city utopia where everyone knew everyone but we were still more educated, more athletic and wealthier than the surrounding "hick-towns” (Tongue-in-cheek intended). And though I wasn’t old enough to recognize it at the time, State College was not the real world. If you have ever seen the movie “Pleasantville” that is sort of how I view my youth in State College. But, unlike in movies, nothing is ever perfect.

As it turns out, our town was not so utopian after all. Our “omni-benevolent” leaders who had shaped and defined us, who had taught us to be honest, and to fight clean, to be humble and to let your actions do the talking, who had reached a level of reverence in the eyes of the town that was unhealthy and crossed the line into idolatry, were in fact, sweeping sins, poor-judgment, and passivity under the rug. A man who was identified as a “hometown hero”, who retired from football in his prime to “spend more time” with his organization helping to give a future to at-risk boys, who at the asking of a relative stranger, was willing to make time in his busy day to call and talk to a young man who was struggling to come to grips with manhood and encourage and reaffirm him, was, allegedly, preying on the boys he had retired to “help”. Since Saturday November 5th 2011, my youthful heros have toppled.

This may seem melodramatic, and perhaps it is, but growing up in this town, we used to pride ourselves on winning “the right way”. We didn’t need to cheat to be good like those boys down in Miami or those hoodlums in Ohio State, we were upright, clean, and respectable. But this gets me to my point. This whole crumbling of the men who I once held up as heros has made me identify where my faith is held. Without even knowing it, the pain and anger I am feeling is proof that I had put my faith, my hope and my trust into men who were nothing more than men. They were not God, and for all of the good that they had done for the community and for my town, they were still men.

I don’t feel I am alone in this. I think that much of the pain that people are feeling due to Mr. Paterno’s announcement of retirement is proof that even those who did not grow up in State College have forced a man-sized filler into a God-sized hole. The truth is, if God was where our hope was, rather than wasting energy trying to make our opinions heard by anyone who would hear them, we would be focusing them to pray for the victims. Rather than screaming vulgar slurs at Sandusky, we would be working to forgive. Rather than organizing mobs, we would be organizing fundraisers to donate to victim relief organizations like Centre County Woman’s Resource Center, RAINN, Centre County Child Access Center, and the Youth Service Bureau of State College to help stop the cycle of abuse that accounts for approximately one-third of the abusive parents and adults.

The truth is that our hope should be in God and not men. This doesn’t mean we build walls around our hearts to keep others at a distance, but in fact, it means the opposite. It means that if God is where our hope is, we can grow close and not fear being let down. We can forgive quickly, easily and freely, giving grace and forgiveness “just as God forgave you”(Col 3:12-14). This does not mean live apathetically, but rather empathetically, allowing God to break our hearts for discipline, to grow or just because he wants to spur us on and give us the strength and drive to pursue that which he has laid on our hearts because He has our trust and hope (Matt 14:14). Living in fear is not putting our trust in the Lord but trusting in the Lord allows us to live freely (Col 3:1-4).

Perhaps your “man-sized hole” is not Joe Paterno or Jerry Sandusky, perhaps it is any number of things, many of which are toted about in church and in the Bible. I hope though that you will take this time to examine where your hope is. Because if it’s anywhere besides Jesus, at some point God will most likely test that area because he loves us and “he disciplines us for our own good so that we may share in his holiness” (Hebrews 12:4-11).

Until next time, God bless.

Lost in MY life

For Calvary on Campus we are doing the "poster board testimonials". This is a way for people to give a quick overview of what God has done in their life and to give God glory for his faithfulness. Essentially, we are to try to explain our pre-Christ life and then on the back, we flip it around and give a quick view of what God has done to correct that. It's a pretty cool way for us to share our faith a little and to help tell a small fraction of our story.

I was asked if I would be willing to do it. At first I resisted, I'm not completely sure why, but I felt like I could not quantify my pre-Christ existence in one simple phrase. I was disobedient to my parents, teachers, and people in authority. I didn't care for women like I was supposed to, I didn't protect them from sin or attempt to protect their emotions. I indulged in the party scene and cared more about how the people I was with viewed me, so I was able to "fake" what I thought they wanted to see and hear from me depending on who I was with. I was concerned with MY comfort, MY emotions, MY outward appearance. And in that lay the answer. My pre-Christ existence could be narrowed down to one thing: I was focused on MY life.

After coming to Christ (sort of when I was 16, actually when I was 20) the focus had to shift. It had to be HIS will, HIS glory, HIS life. Going through Men's Fraternity helped me understand how my actions affect not only me but people in my life, including women, my friends and my family. The view had to change from "it's my life why do you care?" to "how can I serve you better?". There are still areas I need to serve better in but I am slowly coming to ask that question more. It also meant giving up control, James 4:15-17 says:

"Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that' As it is you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them." (NIV)

Stacy gave a sermon on serving the other week and discussed one of the benefits of serving is that it takes the focus off us and onto others. Jesus himself says that the two greatest commandments are to love the lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. We are to focus outwardly on others and on God's will and not on our own plans and ideas. My pre-Christ existence was measured by my life. How to make myself happy. In my Christ existence the question needs to be turned to how can I follow Christ, and how can I love others. I am still growing in that. I am getting better at serving others and keeping God in focus which has been a long process with a few dropped opportunities on the way, but thank God for grace.

Taking the focus off my life has also helped me to live my faith better. Earlier in James, James says,

"If one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (James 2:16-17)

James is not saying that we need to EARN faith, but rather if we HAVE faith, there needs to be a radical change in how we live and who we focus on. I have seen that in my life for sure and hope to see it as I continue to grow in faith.

Looking at my pre-Christ existence was good. It helped me to reflect on how much I have grown in Christ and His amazing faithfulness. Reflecting on my past helped me realize even more how much I need Jesus and his grace, as well as the Holy Spirit and his guidance and work in my heart. Jeremiah 2:13 comes to mind when I think about living for myself.

"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me: the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water" (NIV)

We have substituted REAL life for MY life. We pour our life giving water into comforts, jobs, sex, drugs, and any number of broken cisterns but they cannot hold that water. Eventually the excitement and thrill of those things die, and we are left trying to find the next broken cistern to pour our water into. I know my pre-Christ existence embodied that. But when you turn to the source of that water, you no longer need those earthly goods and your vision turns outward.

Until next time, God Bless.

Pride

Wow! Sorry about the long break. Once the summer came blogging went on the back burner a little but as school approaches I want to get into it again! So here we go:

Below are links to two articles that Bruce Eveleth sent me regarding high profile pastors that have stepped down citing issues with pride as their reasons and some reasons why Pastors are vulnerable to this low profile sin.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/julyweb-only/sexmoneypride.html

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/julyweb-only/mostriskyprofession.html

Pride is a tough sin. Where do you draw the line between an accurate view of your own worth and over emphasizing your worth? I think that one issue that wasn't touched on was "professional pastors" in that their job is to get people into their church so that they can make a living. Even if they do not have a huge salary, if no one is coming and giving an offering, the pastors will have to find other means of income. So the emphasis is on bringing in more people and just like in any profession, if you're successful then there is a little ego boost that comes with it. As a prospect interested in entering that industry, it is something that I need to be mindful of.


I was blessed to be asked to lead a college life group this summer and in doing so had to battle with my own pride. I only had two people come to my first life group out of about 15 that I asked or who voiced interest in coming. I was rather disheartened by the turn out the first meeting, I must admit, but I decided that it wasn't my life group it was God's and that whomever he trusted to me I would do my best to equip them to spread God's glory. Since then I have had 4 regular attenders but I have been extremely encouraged by the growth and discussions we have had. It is not big but once I stepped aside and allowed God to control it, I was amazed at the conversations and the growth TOGETHER that was coming from the conversations.


I think that is the key to remaining humble. Hebrews 11:2:

"Having our eyes fixed on Jesus, the guide and end of our faith, who went through the pains of the cross, not caring for the shame, because of the joy which was before him, and who has now taken his place at the right hand of God's seat of power." 

If we fix our eyes on the Kingdom and on Jesus and recognize that the fruit of our labor is his glory and not our own, we can rejoice in our successes without the sin of pride. Paul says in Galatians 6:14,

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (NIV)

I think once we take our eyes off Jesus and the cross and begin to build up our own kingdom on Earth, we can forget the main goal which is to spread God's glory and not our own.


I do feel this is all easier said than done. I feel we often rest on our own strength and power and when we succeed, we are quick to give credit to ourselves. Through out the Bible, God called people of low status in society to spread his glory for that very reason. Jesus himself was a child born out of wedlock, to a lower middle class carpenter. He could have chosen to be born to a king and had more influence but he wanted the glory to be God's. So if we are focusing on Jesus and attempting to walk in his footsteps, we should be resting on the power of the Holy Spirit and all he has to offer and not on ourselves. We have to be open to God's correction and follow discipline, surround ourselves with godly men and women who we are open and vulnerable with and who will hold us accountable. As Stacy Sublett would say, we need to be "disciplined and teachable".


Until next time, God Bless.

Faithlessness

I am currently in the midst of the Life Journal and it has me reading through 1 Samuel, 1 Chronicles, and Matthew with the occasional Psalm sprinkled in. As I have been reading through the Bible one thing jumps out to me very regularly: God provides.

I often struggle to trust God fully and completely. This is frustrating, because there are so many times in my life that I reflect on, and clearly see God moving, by providing courage, strength, patients and guidance to grow me and lead me through the murky waters. As my junior year comes to a close and my senior year draws nearer and nearer, I am faced with the realization that sooner rather than later, I will have to become a real functioning member of society. This is scary because for the past 21 years, my life had been rather cyclical. Sure there were times of change, I would have to go from Elementary school, to Middle School, to High School, to College, but my future was rather certain: I would be in school the following year. Very little decision-making required and the one time I had to make a decision, where to attend college, I ended up transferring the following semester back to my comfort zone. But now there is no comfort zone, no familiarity, no set plan. I perceive that I am essentially at the mercy of the world. And that is where trust in God comes in. I am not at the “mercy of the world”. I am at the mercy of God. I would say my apprehension at the future, can be summed up in two fears: first, where will money come from? I have debt, I hope to have a wife and kids at some point, I want to do missions, I want to support missions, I want to adopt! All of these things cost money. But I need to take on more debt still if I plan to go to Seminary, and Youth Pastors don't exactly make the front cover of Forbes.

Cliché I know, but Jeremiah 29:11 is often quoted at times like these. Heck for High School graduation I got a key chain that had the verse stamped on the back. But I find Matthew 6:25-34 more settling. In it Jesus is essentially discussing how we need to trust in God to provide. And what’s even better is that it follows Matthew 6:19-24:

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

   ²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

   ²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. (NIV)

And precedes Matthew 7:7-12:

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

   ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  (NIV)

Jesus is saying 1) Keep your heart on the Kingdom, 2) Don’t worry about stuff, I’ll make sure you have what you need and 3) Ask, I want to bless you so that you can bless others. If we keep the kingdom foremost in our hearts, then the rest of the stuff is insignificant compared to it. But that is easier said than done. I still struggle and I still fret over it. Which leads me to my second fear: I will mess up God’s will and completely miss what he wants me to do.

How prideful is that? I know it doesn’t seem it on the surface, but the fact that I believe that I could mess up God’s plan is giving me a lot more credit than I deserve. It seems to be the natural reaction to being called though: Abraham thought he was too old, Moses thought he couldn’t speak well enough, the Hebrews didn’t believe they could defeat the people living in the promise land, Saul believed he was unable to be king because he was the weakest of the weakest family in the weakest clan, the Bible is littered with people believing that they might “mess up God’s plan”. But they don’t.

1 Chronicles is a very painful book to get through, and I often wonder why in the world God wanted it in the Bible, until I come across sections that really strike me. 1 Chronicles 5:22 comes at the end of a list the relatives of the Gadites.

“and many others fell slain, because the battle was God’s…” (NIV)

I missed it the first time through 1 Chronicles but God pointed this one out to me this time. There was nothing about “the Israelites fought bravely and won” or even “the Israelites tried their hardest”. It was God’s battle and he won. I don’t know where the saying “God helps those who help themselves” came from but I can’t get on board with that. Matthew 7 doesn’t say, “Try really hard and then when you’ve done all you can go ahead and pray for God’s help”, The things that we need to do are rather simple: knock, seek, and ask. It’s not a hard concept yet why do I struggle so much with it?

I am reminded of the story of Gideon in Judges 6. Gideon is called by God to lead Israel out of the oppressive rule of the Midianites. An Angel of the Lord appears to him and explains what he wants Gideon to do. Gideon questions him then and asks for proof. God gives him the proof and Gideon continues on until it is time for the actual battle. Again Gideon asks for proof, which God again delivers but it’s not enough. He asks a third time for proof from God and once again God delivers. Finally, Gideon is ready to go to war, but God makes him get rid of almost his entire army. I imagine Gideon was thinking, “hang on, I’m not even sure I can do this with the Army you gave me, now you’re taking all but 300 of my men away and you expect me to go through with this?”

But God does. He uses our ineptitude, our weaknesses and our screw-ups because that’s the only way that God’s power will be fully realized. It’s only when we have to rely on God that his glory will be spread. Gideon’s small army defeats the Midianites, Moses is able to successfully communicate to the Hebrew people, Abraham is able to conceive and Saul becomes the first king of Israel. God is not interested in using the powerful and proud, he wants the weak and the humble, the ones who will give all the glory to God because they know there is no way they could have possibly pulled this off on their own. In Matthew 19 a rich man comes to Jesus and asks Jesus what he needs to do to get eternal life; and Jesus tells him to sell all of his possessions and follow him. David Platt discusses this passage in his book Radical and points out that the common reaction today would have been to make him pray a prayer and have him Baptized so that he could start using all of his wealth and power for God’s kingdom. But God doesn’t need our wealth and power he needs those who want his wealth and power. 1 Samuel 16:7 says:

 ⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  (NIV)

As I struggle with my faith, I am also reminded of a verse in Mark 6:5-6. Jesus is in Nazareth and has just been rejected by his own countrymen. It says:

“He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them and he was amazed at their lack of faith” (NIV)

I wonder how often we limit God with our lack of faith. How often we don’t heed the call of the Holy Spirit because it seems like the task would be hard, or uncomfortable, or we can’t possibly succeed. How often do we miss out on the chance to see God move, because we rest too much on our own talents, abilities and power. I continue to pray that God will remind me of his faithfulness and that I will heed the Holy Spirits call. I don't know what will be next, but what I do know is God is already there, and as scary as the future is, I'm excited to see what God has in store.

Until next time, God bless.